Beginnings

It seems oddly serendipitous to begin the new year with a post titled "Beginnings", although this one has been in my drafts for an embarrassingly long time now. Much like most other posts, this post would also have looked very different had I written what I originally had in mind. However in the several intervening months between my last post and this one, life changing things have happened, the most significant one being that my sister officially moved to Korea to start her journey as an MBA student (and by the time this is posted, she has even completed a semester; so much for being regular with these posts).

To say that my sister and I are close would be quite the understatement. Saying “joined at the hip, reading each other's thoughts, and telepathically communicating even when not in each other's line of sight” would be a more accurate description. So having her go from living 3 steps away across the dining room to 5,583 km spanning 7 time zones away is not ideal, to put it mildly. When you bring into the mix a person who, despite being experimental in all areas of life, does not particularly take well to change, especially one as big as this, and add in the lack of ability to process emotions healthily, you can well imagine the level of adjustment involved.

And so the entire process was, understandably, rather overwhelming. I held back more tears as I actually cried, because to say I miss her, even now 4 months after she moved, doesn't even begin to cover it. And while it is tempting to say that life is a bitch and she must have its way and we are but pawns in her game, it took me a fair bit of effort to view things from a brighter perspective.

For instance, her move to Korea gave me the perfect excuse to accompany her to Seoul for a much deserved 2-week vacation. While I enjoyed myself there as a tourist, taking in the sights, sounds and smells of the city that I had longed to visit for over two years, I also got to witness my sister going through a series of firsts. Her first day at the university campus, her first orientation, her first picture in the university, her first meeting with her classmates, her first interaction with her seniors, her first independent room away from home (kinda) and several other such experiences.

Watching her begin a new chapter in life made me realise that a new one was beginning in mine too. One that did not involve as much of an active presence of hers. I know I sound like a mom undergoing empty-nest syndrome, and I'll be honest, I felt like it too. It is a well-established fact in my family that I am a pseudo mom to my sister. However, once I came back home without her, I noticed a space had opened up in my life, both literally and figuratively. I now not only had a whole other room to dump my stuff in (and boy did I love that!), but I also had a lot more time on my hands to do things I would have otherwise sacrificed in favour of spending time with my sister.

For instance, I started taking not one, but two dance classes. I went out alone on the weekends to cafes and movies that I would not have considered otherwise because the choice of outings with my sister was always a consensus. I started making more of an effort to stay in touch with friends and calls with long distance friends became less infrequent. Her physical absence in my immediate environment forced me to find a community elsewhere and depend less on the comfort of a known face, and this brought with it new friends, new hobbies, and interestingly, new goals in my life. I not only started dreaming, but also planning and strategizing to make some long suppressed dreams a reality (the change of name of this blog may or may not be connected to said planning and strategizing). 

Today, as I complete writing this post that I started 4 months ago, I realise that I have progressed in ways I could not even have dreamt of when it first sunk in that my time living with my sister would be ending. Despite it being common knowledge that life goes on and you eventually adapt, this was one of many occasions in my life where I was reminded, once again, that when there is an ending, a beginning is rarely far behind.