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Talent vs. Hard Work and Ruinous Self Doubt

I just read a piece in this week's TTT newsletter, Been There, Felt That. It was called "It is your had work, not just talent". In this, the author talks about how a casual remark about someone's artistic talent irked her... enough to write a small article about how showing up for what you have committed to, day in and day out, putting in the work that ultimately leads to success is often dismissed as "talent", with very little (often, no) acknowledgement to the effort and hard work the recipient of the "compliment" has put in to achieve that success. She went on to say that it is a way of excusing yourself - attributing success to something that is inherent in a person as opposed to confronting the fact that you didn’t achieve similar success because you didn’t bother to put in the hard work.

This is something I have been both fearing and struggling to accept for some time now. I have always wanted to be on stage. I have always wanted to perform, to be deeply involved in something artistic. I gave up on pursuing it as a career a LONG time ago. But somewhere along the way, I stopped practicing and because of that, I lost the confidence I had in my own skill.

I have been meaning to get back in touch with my own art, but I have been so hesitant that it surprises even me. What if I am not good enough, what if I am not perfect, what if people laugh at me? This is stemming from my need to be perfect at everything I do. So much so, that I didn’t even consider that the only person closely watching my struggles, is ME. I am scared of my own judgement. And because of that I haven't ventured into even trying to do the things I like, such as get back into dancing. I am scared that I will not be as good as I was when I was younger.

I also know I am doing myself a great disservice here. I know I have the talent, so I can't blame lack of it for not doing something. I can sing, dance, act, paint, and the only thing that I lack… is dedication, discipline and practice. Only with that, can I become good at something, but the thought of not being good, even at the very beginning, is so paralyzing, that I don’t even want to start.

Almost subconsciously, I broke my own glass ceiling, when I started dance class last weekend, as a complete novice in western forms of dance. I did this for me. I am doing this for me. Being a complete novice is liberating. It has allowed be to be completely silly, make a hundred, thousand mistakes, and not be judged for it. I was not a dancer in that class… just a learner, a student who was learning the alphabet of contemporary, of ballet, of hip-hop for the very first time... and I have always enjoyed learning. 

Now it is up to me to discipline myself and follow through with it. I am not doing this for fame or success. I am doing this to fuel my love and passion for dance. And in my two classes as an absolute beginner, I am enjoying to the core.

 

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