An Unplanned Hiatus and Second Lead Syndrome

It has been over a month since my last post on the blog for the 52 Week Challenge, or anything else for that matter. Going in, I knew it was ambitious to attempt writing and uploading every week for a whole year, especially considering the social events and exams that ominously dot my calendar, but I had not expected to fall off the wagon after a mere 3 weeks. That is a new low for me.

A lot has happened in the weeks that I have been AWOL, and not everything deserves a mention here nor should it be mentioned; but there were a couple of thoughts I believed merited a post. So here goes. 

Everyday, we go about life taking in the millions of things that are thrown at us, and react as we go along. As a person particularly sensitive to external stimuli, whether tangible or intangible, it is nearly impossible to keep track of all the thoughts that race around in my head as a reaction to something I perceive. Each stimulus triggers in me a chain of unending thoughts that often stops only when it is interrupted by yet another stimulus. This post is about one of the many things that has caught my attention and sustained it long enough for me to come back to it time and time again - the "second lead syndrome" or the tendency to sympathise with the second lead in K-Dramas.

Perhaps this is where you as the reader would snort and think, "Is she for real?"; I understand that sentiment, but be assured, this is an actual indisposition that commonly afflicts the most enthusiastic and reverent K-Drama watchers, of which I consider myself one. There are articles about the malady and while most throw light on it in a satirical manner, I can't help the niggling feeling that the extent to which this bothers me is indicative of something slightly more deep rooted.

For some context, I have always been the person who fancied her life a movie, having grown up on the Hindi films of the late 90s and early 2000s. Although my childhood obsession with Bollywood eventually died down, the object of my media fixation simply changed routinely every few years, from one genre to another. For the last 675 odd days I have been squarely held captive by the Hallyu wave. Korean Dramas seem like they have been made in a vortex specially designed for me - as a sucker for romance, love triangles, childhood and past life connections, just the right amount of thrill and action, topped off with disgustingly good looking people with unending amounts of properly utilised talent and skill in acting - K-Dramas are my personal heaven and hell.

With my numerous years of experience in what I consider a professional level preoccupation with movies and television shows, I have experienced many a storyline with a love triangle, or the best friend who gives sage advice, or the supporting one who pushes the protagonist to chase after their dreams and have watched the ever-supportive background character look on as the protagonist lives their life in true "main character energy". Never before, however, have I related so hard to some of the second leads and supporting characters than I have in some of the K-Dramas that I have watched (and re-watched) in the last couple of years.

I don’t know if my particular fixation with the second leads in K-Dramas is because, unlike most Hindi or English shows, the plots of K-dramas pay a lot more attention to the actual character of the second lead, who is usually portrayed as just as capable, just as worthy and just as flawed as the lead, thus making it easier to relate to the character; and the final choice for the person picking between the lead and second lead then becomes an actual Choice, rather than the echo of an option. When you add into the mix the superior acting of nearly every actor in such shows (leaving some room for the cultural idiosyncrasies as well as unique creolization that may be harder to identify with), the consistent capture of the minutest micro-expression of the actors by expert cinematographers and with direction and editing being hard to find fault with, it is particularly challenging to not get personally involved with the characters coming alive on the screen.

Although, much like Bollywood, a lot of the plots are predictable and stereotypes and tropes are literally the bread and butter of the Korean television industry, the emotions I feel are no less intense even when you know how the show is likely to end. The disappointment is acute at times, especially where the character of the second lead is particularly well sketched and portrayed, when the second lead does not get the girl (or guy). Usually in these shows, the really deserving second leads go on to become extremely successful in some other area of their lives, but the bittersweet memories of not being with the one they truly desired and yearned for, lives on. Somehow, after such shows, I find myself being upset in my real life and empathizing deeply with the person who made the sacrifice of something they really wanted.

On many a night of such disappointing finales (mind you, these were usually happy endings for the lead pair) I found myself questioning why I nearly always rooted for the second lead and dwelled in "second lead energy". Upon some reflection, I realised that in the last few years, while I have done a lot of work on myself internally, on the outside I seem to have slumped into watching the lives of the people around me from the sidelines. I find myself looking on and cheering as people around me get married, get promotions and pay hikes, go on vacations, write applications, get accepted into universities and go abroad to study, meet the love of their life, get into relationships, get out of relationships, and basically drive through and navigate life, while I sit on the curb, with my "Free Advice" sign, waiting… for what, I am not sure. Social media is an added curse and one I cannot seem to break away from, because there I get to see even people I am loosely acquainted with go through the ups of their lives (who really posts about their downs?).

I wonder when I stopped thinking myself the main character in my own movie and started becoming the supporting character in everyone else's. Was it when I lost a job, a house and a partner within the span of a month during a raging pandemic? Was it when I gained extremely stubborn weight that refuses to let go of me no matter what I do? Was it when I realised that I was stuck in a rut of working, eating, sleeping and repeating, going through the same motions of life with little deliberation in my action?

Or was it simply because, somewhere along the way, I got acquainted with loss and experienced the gut wrenching physical pain that comes with such loss? In other words… was it when I lost respect for myself when I stopped being "successful" in what someone else deemed was success?

I am reminded of a scene in the movie "The Holiday" where Eli Wallach's Arthur asks Kate Winslet's Iris why she is being the best friend in her own movie. Iris eventually realises that she has been sacrificing her self respect in the belief that her happiness depended on someone else's approval. In my own reflections, I have realised I have been doing something similar. Many a thing I do, the impressive things at least, I do for the approval of someone. That approval I seek so earnestly still eludes me, so my efforts are usually in vain, but somewhere in my DNA is deeply embedded the belief that if I continue to work hard and do the things that certain people expect of me, I will be patted on the head for the good girl that I am and that will make me happy. No wonder I have been so miserable.

When I spoke about my second lead syndrome with one of my closest friends, she categorically stated that I gave off main character energy. I would like to believe her. It seems that my movie is at the crucial juncture where a stroke of luck blows my way, inspiration strikes and I tumble into stardom and success - all because I decided to go after what made me happy. It would be the beginning of my happy ending.

Maybe the gust of wind bringing in my inspiration and luck has possibly already hit me - I have taken some decisive steps into doing things I like for reasons unrelated to approval seeking and are instead wholly committed to my own joy, this blog and my writing being just one example. I know that success will follow. And Lord knows I am ready for it.