Yesterday, after a spectacularly failed session of trying to record an episode for the podcast, two of my friends, lets call them Z and S, and I went to grab a bite. Now both Z and S, in addition to being experts in their own right in dance, hip hop, ballet, heels, and all kinds of other western dance styles and cultures, are super spiritual homies and deeply rooted in Sanatana Dharma, and that is one of the things I love about hanging out with them.
We started talking about temples, and certain energies of such temples, and Z talked about how he is in the process of writing something about Surya, the Sun God. I mean, here is a guy, with whom I was going to discuss the creative impact of Desi Hip-Hop in his life, talking about writing a treatise on the Sun God. This was literally my favourite kind of crowd to hang with.
Now this man is a master story teller, having the gift of the gab such that when he starts a story, he can keep his audience hooked and hanging on to every word coming out of his mouth. Having been his audience on more than one occasion, I can confidently state that I have been entranced by his manner of story telling, wanting to know more, even if I know how the story ends. He has this incredible ability of making the story relatable to the listener - genZ slang, millennial slang, using multiple languages, even making someone laugh in a situation that would be otherwise too grim to comprehend (like the deaths of the all powerful Trimoorthis of Sanatana!) All this to say, he has a way with words.
Now while the 3 of us were discussing Surya Deva, he was narrating the story of Surya's wife Sanjana being unable to bear his sheer brilliance and running away and disguising herself as a mare, leaving behind her twin sister (some say Chhaya was a shadow reflection of Sanjana herself) Chhaya in her place to raise their children Manu (supposedly, the first (hu)man) , Yama (God of Dharma and Death) and Yamuna (the River) . This is the Chhaya who is the mother of Shani, or Saturn, who is on not so great terms with his father, the Sun.
I mean I get it.. you would dislike your father too, if you found out that the only reason he got with your mother was because he thought your mother was someone else. (I fully expect the Karma that comes with making a joke about Shani... I just hope He's kind, I am empathising with him after all!)
Anyway, when Surya found out that the person he thought was his wife, wasn't technically his wife, he went around looking for a therapist to give him advice on how to handle his situation. He landed on the doors of his father-in-law, the divine architect, Vishwakarma, who told him why Sanjana had left in the first place. When he learned that it was due to his very nature of being bright and brilliant, he wondered what he should do to reduce the effect of his brilliance.
This is when Vishwakarma tells him something that changed my brain chemistry. He said to Surya, it is your nature to shine. You cannot fight your nature or try and hide it because someone cannot handle it. There are people who depend on your very brilliance for sustenance.
And then Z added something to this that literally short-circuited my brain. He noted that the Sun is exactly like that. It comes out every single day, without judgement or bother as to how you feel about it. Every single day, sunlight is a blank canvas, and your day depends on how you use it. It just shows up, in all its brilliance, and never judges you for not starting the day with it, nor cares if you choose to celebrate or curse the heat. It shows up and shines. What others do with it, is their choice.
As a person who's ruling lord is the Sun with immense influence of the Sun in my charts (with moon in Leo, a Life Path Number 1, and Destiny number 11), this advice hit really close to home.
Because I had done exactly that... reduced my brilliance to make myself more acceptable to the people around me. I have been called all kinds of names that are indications of how much "more" I am - Someone in college literally nick-named me "Extra" because he thought my existence was too loud for him. I used to be this carefree, passionate, loud person, and I'm pretty sure I had an aura that not too many people could handle being in the presence of - I wish I could read auras so I could say this with certainty. Someone once told me I am a force of nature. The sheer brilliance with which I approached life and any obstacles that came my way was something that they were in awe of. They said it in admiration. But even that person is not in my life anymore.
That Aishwaria... I don't know where she disappeared. Over time, "Extra" became something I wanted to escape. When you're told constantly that you're too much, you start dimming yourself so people don't have to squint to look at you. I became quieter, less obvious, less passionate even, at least in view of others.
So when Z said that yesterday, that the Sun just shows up and shines and those who can bear it, celebrate it, those who can't, wont, and it is truly their loss, it was almost as if I was getting a sign from the Universe itself. To be myself again, to not dim my light again.
I have always felt the warmth of the Sun around me. I have felt Him in dark rooms when I closed my eyes to meditate, or when I have received reiki healing from a Grand Master in a room that did not have windows. I have experienced days where the skies have been cloudy and grey with no direct sunlight the entire day, and I begged the Sun to come out just once, and within seconds, it would burst through the clouds for a short few seconds.
I do not believe in such repeated coincidences.
And yesterday was 8/8. The Lion's Gate Portal at its peak.
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